stillnessandpeace

I haven’t written in this space for a long time. Life and energy have been invested in a non profit I started 4 years ago, Journey Center of Chicago. journeycenterofchicago.org Hope you will check us out online. It is a welcoming space where we offer retreats, groups, workshops, contemplative practices, and more. People are invited to Come as they are, Encounter the Holy, and be Renewed.

As we all well know, 2020 has been an unusually difficult year with the pandemic of Covid-19 and horrific escalating violence and death of black lives due to the evil of racism. We add on to that all of the personal struggles and challenges that have affected each one of us. Maybe you lost your job. Maybe someone you love has died due to Covid-19. Maybe the endless acts of racism are just too much. It has been an unusually difficult year. Self- care in the midst of it helps provide us with not only health, but with what we need to keep meeting the challenges with which we are confronted.

What are you doing to care for yourself? Are you following daily rhythms to nurture yourself body, mind, and spirit? Taking the time to slow down a little, to meditate, do yoga, or go for a walk can breathe some relief in us. Monitoring how you are feeling, including letting yourself express the grief we so often carry not only in our hearts but in our bodies is so important.

How are you carrying for your spirit? During times of grief it can be hard to pray or concentrate. If you are finding that to be true, know that it is not uncommon. But know that your sighs and cries and groans are prayers being offered to God. And we have this promise in Romans 8:26, 27, “In the same way, the Holy Spirit helps us when we are weak. We don’t know what we should pray for. But the Spirit himself prays for us. He prays through groans too deep for words. ²⁷ God, who looks into our hearts, knows the mind of the Spirit. And the Spirit prays for God’s people just as God wants him to pray.”

You may also find in this time praying prayers of lament to be helpful. To lament means to cry and grieve and mourn out loud. There are many ways to pray prayers of lament. You can use your own words, or the words of scripture. Maybe you lament through exercise or through singing it out. For a long time, I used song and music to express my grief and found great release through that. Maybe you journal. Whatever your means to lament, it can be a helpful way to express the grief within.

Silence is important during this time. Silence may at first seem empty but it fills us, especially the more we observe silence. Contemplative spiritual practices are wonderful ways to sit with God and be filled in a deeper way.

Covid-19 has made it difficult to gather with those we love. Connecting is still important even virtually. I encourage you to connect with those whom you find to be life-giving for you. That is as important as getting enough sleep and eating healthy.

So as 2020 lingers on in this midst of various pandemics, don’t forget to care for yourself in the midst of it. It is like what flight attendants say as a flight prepares to take off. If the oxygen masks come down, put on your own first before you help someone else, so that you have the breath you need to do so.

May the Spirit of God breathe peace into your being this day.

I am, like so many of you, disheartened by the steady stream of bad news coming out of Washington- of wrong decisions being made by people in power that detrimentally hurt the majority of the population. I will continue to call and write congress persons, just like so many of you. Sadly, I am also deeply disheartened like many of you by the Evangelical Christian church. We seem so far removed from who Jesus is and what He taught. When I look at it all, I wonder how can we as Jesus’ followers make a difference- impact people’s lives as He did and does. I come back to staying connected and centered on God. I come back to staying connected with each other- for when the light of my candle grows dim, I can see by your shared light, and vice versa. And I come back to- in the present moment- connected to all those around me and to myself, just as Jesus modeled. In the present moment we make a difference through our connectedness, as we see each person and care about each one, just as Jesus did. I write this as my connectedness to you is important. I am relying on that to help my light grow a little brighter.

This is a word of hope for each of us who struggle with our sense of worth and value.

Inside Out by Rev. Jolene Bergstrom-Carlson of Ministry Mentors

I grew up without a sense of presence in my family, without feeling like I was known or seen or heard. Home wasn’t really a safe place. My family loved each other, but everyone was broken in their own way.  It wasn’t anyone’s fault. It was just what it was. We were like 5 people living in a house alone, each living their own isolated life.

So as a child, I learned to be invisible. I spent a lot of time daydreaming, reading, and by myself. Through those things I learned to escape the reality around me.

When I was around 7, God surprised me. After being discounted yet again, I heard God speak to my heart. I heard God say, not to worry, that it was God who was raising me. I don’t know how I knew it was God’s voice at that tender age, but I did. I just knew. I was flooded with a sense of peace and comfort I didn’t quite understand. I knew God had me. I wasn’t alone. God was raising me. In those moments I felt the tangibleness of presence. I felt so loved, so known, so seen. I knew I mattered. It was unlike anything I had ever known. Presence saved me. I still remember what that presence felt like as a child and as a teen. It didn’t take way any of the heartbreak but that sense of God’s nearness to me changed my life.

Throughout my growing up years God provided presence to me through many dear people who God brought at just the right time. People who saw me, heard me, and loved me. So many dear saints from the church I grew up in, who I will forever be grateful for. People who included me and made me feel like I mattered. My heart is so full of love and gratitude to them.

Over the years, God has provided other people who have been gifts of presence to me, including my beloved husband and kids, treasured friends, and spiritual directors.   There is nothing like someone listening deeply to your heart from their  heart,  holding your story with a sense of sacredness.  I have been blessed by priceless people who have done that for me and it has genuinely changed my life and infused me with life.

No wonder presence means so much to me. In Luke 12:48 it says, “To whom much is given, much is required.” I have been so deeply blessed through God’s presence and the presence of those I hold most dear. As a result my life has become about offering the gift of presence  to those who need to know they matter, to those who need their story held with a sense of sacredness, who need to know they are seen, heard and loved. It is a life call, because it is a life gift. And so the gift of presence comes full circle.

I found this to be a challenging and powerful word by Rev. Shannon J. Kirshner, at Fourth Presbyterian Church.  It was an engaging way to interact with the scripture passage. It is a word that the church at large needs to hear. It is worth reading. The last half is particularly poignant.

Worshipers at Fourth Presbyterian Church-Chicago rose to their feet with sustained applause in response to the line in this sermon we have bolded in red. Scroll down for the line. THE PERSISTENT GO…

Source: A Standing Applause Sermon

I have not written in a long while. Life has been full. However, I have yearned to take a few minutes to write what is on my heart once again. So here I am.

I recently turned another year older. Often on such occasions it a time of reflection of what has been as well as what may be. So again I say, here I am.

Like so many before me, and those who will follow me, with age comes clarity, clarity about what is important and what is not. For example, it doesn’t matter so much about being right. So much time and energy can be spent that way. However, the reality is there are things that I know and there are things that I don’t know. With age comes an acceptance of that, and it is truly okay. I continue to learn and seek to grow because in that is great substance and meaning. I have learned that in this journey called life we continue to learn and grow. Indeed it is an integral part of our journey. At the same time, I am okay with what I don’t know. I am at peace to let God hold those questions and wonderings.  I have discovered it is freeing to do so.

At the same time, what I know, I know deeply, in the depth of my being. It has to do with  who God is and who God has been in my life and in the life around me. When I look back I see God’s fingerprints and footsteps throughout my life and in the world around me, and nothing means more to me than that. If I were to write all that God has been and done and meant I doubt there would be enough pages to contain it all. I consider my life so rich because of it. What I know is not based on my own life only, but on those with whom I have had the privilege to walk beside. What has and means so much is God loving everyone deeply, just as they are.   We don’t have to do anything or be a certain way to receive it. It just is. It is real. It is unconditional. It is healing, uplifting, and encouraging.  It so forms who I am. How deeply grateful I am to be able to come as I am and to be so lovingly received, just as is true for everyone. That matters more than anything.

When I reflect on that which means so much, then what doesn’t is easier to let go of, like titles and degrees, status and positions, and all the things we can find in society that divide one person or group against another, including who believes they are right. Life is not found in those things.

Life is found in relationship with- not against. So, what matters is love, simplicity, and humility. Gentleness, kindness, hospitality, an open heart, compassion are what make up the substance of life. My desire is to reflect these substantive characteristics which are found in the God of my heart and life. My desire is to love well and to show my gratitude to God and to those who fill my heart who mean more to me than ever before.  Life is a journey. May it be a reflection of God’s goodness, hospitality, and unconditional love and acceptance of all.  I am another year older, thankful for the gift of life.

When I was in seminary 30 years ago,  Dr. Rev. John Weborg  was one of my professors. He was the professor of theology. He is a deeply reflective  speaker and teacher. His words were always profound and offered much substance.  There was one topic he talked about that took root deep within me, and I remember it well these 30 years later. He talked about the difference between religious pain and spiritual pain, which I will describe in a moment. Let me share a little more first.

When I first graduated from seminary, I worked with refugees who had been tortured. They were from all over the world, but at that time, they were predominantly from Central America. What people went through was heartbreaking and beyond comprehension.  It was a hard way to begin ministry being faced with such extreme suffering. I learned quickly, that much of what I thought I knew, went right out the window. It was hard to know what to do with such extreme suffering.  

Most of the people I spoke with had two responses. One group claimed to have gotten through the horrific ordeal because of their faith, believing that they would not have survived if they hadn’t had God and prayer to cling to. The other group gave up because they didn’t know where God was in the midst of it.  

It was then that I had a conversation with Dr Rev. John Weborg and described to him this ministry. He spoke again of these two different kinds of pain.

Religious pain is pain that we encounter through persons or the church who represent God.  In the case of the refugees, some churches blamed them for being tortured, claiming it was their sin that caused this to happen. This was so grievous, for instead of the church standing with,  for, and beside these persons, they blamed them instead. Maybe they did so to stay safe, or because they aligned themselves with persons of power, or maybe they had a skewed view of faith. No matter what the reason, it was grievous. It happened in World War II, when those in the church were silent while Jewish persons were taken away to concentration camps. What many don’t know is that countless LGBTQ persons were taken and killed there as well. And it happens today when we in the church are silent, when the Body of Christ doesn’t stand with, for or beside a person or community especially during a time of suffering.   

 Spiritual pain, is experienced through one’s direct struggle with God, like: when we undergo a trying time and don’t understand what God is or is not doing in the midst of it; or when we don’t sense God’s presence or we feel like God has abandoned us; or  when we don’t receive the relief or the answers for which we are seeking, especially during a time of suffering.  People can experience that during a time of illness, loss, and tragedy. They may wonder where God is or why God isn’t delivering them. 

The tragic part for me is that people often interpret religious pain as spiritual pain. They can believe that God is letting them down, that God has left them,  when it is the church that is doing so. I have journeyed alongside many in this place.  Nothing breaks my heart more, and I believe that God grieves and weeps too.

When I told Dr. Rev. John Weborg about my ministry with the refugees he suggested that I teach them how to lament. To lament means to cry and grieve and mourn out loud, to express sorrow strongly.  When we lament in prayer, we express our pain and grief in words and cries and groans directly to God. And one of the many things that is so great about God is that the Spirit partners with us in our lament, because as it says in Romans 8:26 & 27, “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.” So even when we don’t know what to say, when all we can do is groan or cry or sigh, God promises us that the Spirit “intercedes for us through wordless groans.”  God joins us in our groans with God’s own. And when we don’t have the words to pray, we can also use God’s words, for the Psalms are filled with prayers of Lament. (Psalm 22, 25, 27, 74, 90 are but a few)

To lament gives voice to our pain, our cries, our bewilderment, and our anger. Especially in times of suffering, to lament can bring relief. Spiritual Director and writer, Teresa A. Blythe says, “If Jesus can ask God why God forsook him on the cross, we can have confidence that God can handle our honesty as well.” When we lament, we are working out our pain, giving voice to our anguish in prayer, with the one who joins our groans with God’s own.

We just journeyed through Holy Week in the Church Year. We remembered and experienced the great loss again of  Good Friday and Holy Saturday. Grieving through that gave birth to the celebration of new life on Easter. What’s difficult is that suffering has not ended. The recent bombings in Brussels reminds us of this, as does each time racism claims another life, or when another LGBTQ person loses theirs. There is so much suffering around us, and so much to lament, including the racial profiling of Blacks, Muslims, and Immigrants. We lament the acts of violence of persons against persons. We lament the ways people of color still experience discrimination and prejudice on so many levels. We lament when the church does not stand with, for, or beside those who are suffering. We lament when others, like so many in the LGBTQ community,  believe that God has left them because they experienced being left by and excluded by the church. 

Each time the church contributes to suffering either by omission or co-mission, spiritual pain may be experienced. So how do we experience the life of Resurrection in a world where so much suffering exists? I think one of the ways life comes, one of the ways that  the light shines in the darkness, one of the ways that hope becomes a reality is when Christ shines in and through us. It happens when we are present with, to, and for others. It happens when we let God be God, and when we love just as we have been loved. We stand with, for, and beside all, just as Jesus showed us through His life, just as Jesus does with us. May we be agents of God’s healing in people’s lives and in the church.